The other day I was idly perusing reviews of the 1922 F Scott Fitzgerald novel, The Beautiful and the Dammed, a book I have long held curiosity over whether or not I should invest the time in reading. One of the reviews I found particularly interesting. It stated that, although the book was well written, the characters were very unlikeable. This, in the mind of the reviewer, stopped it from being a good book. This is a fair point, what works in literature, fiction and non-fiction, is the ability to connect with the reader. If you cannot connect then bye-bye books, as I have stated before, we often only read the books we can see ourselves in (which is why most of the books I read are called things such as The Beautiful and the Dammed).
However, this notion of connection got me thinking- why must a character be likeable to be connected with? Surely a character such as Raskolnikov is Dusty’s Crime and Punishment cannot be likeable? He kills two people for his own selfish ends- one of which he can justify by saying that she is unlikeable however, one makes a connection with him, maybe not emotionally, but one has an interest in the wellbeing of the character. Many of F Scott’s characters are unlikeable but we connect with the either from a) envy of their elevated position in society, b) curiosity etc.
A book will take between a day and a year (or so) to read, if we expand this to include films then 90-120 minutes, and yet it is important to us that we make a connection with the characters. Yet, one must ask, why are we so discerning about the fictions that we read and less discerning about the fictions that we live?
It is said that nice people finish last. I have no idea what this means, or what they are finishing last in, personally, genuinely nice people, to me, have won at a game that we don’t even know we are playing, that of being human, regardless of stature, economics etc. However, it is said that to succeed you must be a selfish b*****d and use people as a means to an end. Many people enter into work to get a position of power, many enter into relationships to feel better about themselves, and do you genuinely find these people likeable? How many of them do you think, oh this person is great, I really like him/her? The answer is probably not many. The biographical sketches created by Michael Lewis shows very likeable people who have been deemed unlikeable as they do not fit into a mould yet these people are few and far between which is why we can read about, for example Michael Burry, and really like him because people like him are few and far between.
Before I continue I must add a disclosure, two former managers of mine have told me that I was disliked by my fellow employees, one going as far to tell me that they were ‘right to do so’, so I am making no aspersions about my own likeability or not.
Anyway, one thing that I find interesting is the significance that is put on what one calls universal popularity, i.e. having everyone liking you. They say it is important but how many people in your lives do you genuinely like? If you real off a list of 20/30 then fantastic, 20 or 30 out of 7.4 billion is a massive number! However, in all likelihood (no pun intended) the number will be smaller than that which is fine. To have 2/3 real friends in a lifetime is an extraordinary feat and if these 2/3 or 20/30 people are all of those who really matter then why worry about the rest? You might say that they might try to ruin my career, and as sad as it sounds, this can be done by the pettiness of some individuals, but at the end of the day, does a career really matter? If a true reflection of one is those around, then surely the only way to say whether or not you are likeable is if those around you are likeable? And as far as universal popularity goes, that is just nonsense. The art of being likeable is very simple- dedicate yourself to the wellbeing of your friends, treat those kindly whom you meet and, above all, don’t worry if people like you!
‘till next time
Note: in life there are the following states:
People like you
People don’t like you
You like people
People you don’t like
You like a person they don’t like you
A person likes you, you don’t like them
You dislike someone who dislikes you
Or the best
You like someone who likes you
These are all just natural states of being, nothing to worry about. We only have so much of our selves to spare so be careful with whom and how many people you dedicate yourself to the wellbeing of.
thegreaterfool2016 