You are locked into your suffering/ and your pleasures are the seal
– Leonard Cohen
Last week, you may recall, we looked at how, even when bad things happen to us, the opportunity to use them to develop empathy for others often goes unseen, unnoticed, or unused. One illustration of this was the concept of gossip. Whilst gossip may not seem like such a big issue, it is an excellent microcosm, not only of society, but also of the individuals who make up the society.
As I have recounted here before, a while ago I asked a friend of mine why people gossip. Gossip is something I have, from an early age, disdained, even before I knew I was doing so. To me, it always seemed superfluous. It was, like lying, one of the things which I knew that people do but, in my naivety, did not understand that it involved me in any way. For example, what would anyone have to gain from lying to me? Also, what have I done that is interesting enough, given the vastness of the universe, for anyone to use their precious time to discuss me? The answer to both is nothing, nothing unless we look at those who are doing the said actions. I asked a friend of mine (yes, I have friends…bas****s!) why people gossip. She replied in a heartbeat- because they are bored.
Having previously determined that people do actually lie to me, not for anything I can offer but for their own benefit, after all, as Nietzsche said, the most common lie we tell is to ourselves, my friends analysis seemed spot on. People gossip because they are bored
My previous objections to gossip- i.e., gossip serves no good value and can only be the cause of problems (note: I was not correct here to use an absolute, after all, gossip can lead to good things. For example, assaults on children have been brought to light through people gossiping) were dismissed by the argument that gossip is an essential part of society.
Before we address this, let us have a look at what gossip is. If a person does something, it can be an action or a medical diagnosis, or etc., this information belongs to the individual. If second or third parties (second party- one who is not the individual/s involved but has first-hand knowledge. Third party- only has second-hand knowledge) then divulges this said information then they are disclosing information for which they have no stake in. If personal information is just that, personal, then it falls under the definition, legally and other, of confidential. To disclose confidential information is illegal. In the past I have been advised not to use words such as ‘legal’ and ‘illegal’ in relation to what is seen as daily activities, but, rest assured, that is what they are. The reasons for these advisements will come clear later. The reason why this information is protected by a law- laws which should be created objectively- is that we are dealing with subjective beings. Both the first party (1), second party (2), and even third party (3), are subjective. 1 might not want the information disclosed for personal reasons. 2 might want to disclose it for personal reasons. 3 may be indifferent to the whole situation. The information belongs to 1 and because 1 has the best knowledge of 1 and can understand, possibly, the consequences of the disclosures, 1 should be the one who decides whether the information should be disclosed (note: in extreme cases medical and legal experts may subsume this right). The reason why 1 should be the one to decide whether the information should be disclosed is because, bluntly, it is their life. A person may disclose a piece of information in a 2-minute conversation. The conversation lasts two minutes but the information is now disclosed for the entirety of 1’s life. From this we can conclude that a short-term action may have short-term gains but long-term losses.
The losses are, for example, a) 1’s information disclosure will make 1 uncomfortable around those who know what they don’t want to know, b) there may be damage in future relationships, c) trust may be eroded.
The three examples are, if you look at them closely, the same. Due to a violation of one’s privacy, one may not be able to trust other people. Trust, not gossip, is the core to any healthy relationship- be it personal or suprapersonal (e.g., a society) and if this is eroded then the relationship will have rotted foundations.
Given the great costs of the violation of one’s privacy, the question must be asked, why do people carry out such actions?
1) People often gossip just so they have something to say. They are insecure and if they are not receiving attention they struggle. As my friend has noted, these people are often very boring as people and have nothing of value in their self to share with others
2) People don’t want to violate their own privacy, so they violate another’s to protect their self
3) People don’t consider the consequences of their actions on them or on others
There are many more reasons, but as I am running out of my word count, let’s get to the crux of the matter (hey, stop cheering! So mean)
Gossip is a part of society in that it is expected and considered normal. Indeed, one might say that gossip is a pathology which dominates many societies regardless of idiosyncrasies to each culture. The very reason why such behaviours happen is that because no one is taught of the consequences. Indeed, as many are insecure, society was built to protect the insecure and thusly anything that is built on rotting foundations cannot grow to be good or true. Society has a sickness, and this sickness is called Normalcy. The notion that bad behaviours are embraced and expected goes to show that the solutions may not exist in the people who make up society now, rather must come later through the education of children. Society is very unhappy and keeps looking for quick fix solutions to problems. However, often these solutions are not real solutions. If hedonism and objectively bad behaviours brought joy, peace, and love, then people would not have to keep repeating them. Rather, if these were real solutions to life’s problems then life’s problems would vanish. Yet, they do not and as Leonard Cohen notes, it is our distorted notion of pleasure which keeps the cycle of suffering going. It is easy to defend such behaviours by saying they are ‘normal’ but as the excellent psychologist Erich Fromm notes in his book The Sane Society,
‘It is naively assumed that the fact that the majority of people share certain ideas or feelings proves the validity of these ideas and feelings. Nothing is further from the truth. Consensual validation as such has no bearing on reason or mental health. Just as there is a “folie a deux” there is a folie a millions. The fact that millions of people share the same vices does not make these vices virtues, the fact that they share so many errors does not make the errors to be truths, and the fact that millions of people share the same forms of mental pathology does not make these people sane’
‘till next time
Note: we looked in this piece at the revealing of confirmed personal data. The majority of gossip is untrue, however, many of the affects are the same as above
thegreaterfool2016 